Eyes

The task here was to describe a body part...

On a dark cloudy day,
they are a cold, dark grey blue,
like shiny stones,
that know what is true.

On a bright clear day,
they sparkle, green and blue,
like diamonds from an ocean,
that are looking straight at you.

My evening companion

This is the fourth weeks exercise...
We had to play blind and pick up something and describe it

My evening companion

Soft, big and plush;
I like stroking the fur,
It’s lovely to touch,
But it doesn’t purr,

So nice to squeeze,
It returns to its shape,
It doesn’t have knees,
It’d be hard to break,

It doesn’t have a smell,
And has no sound to hear,
I wonder if you can tell,
This is my big teddy bear.

Depression - Poetry wk 2

This exercise was about working with metaphors and similies...

Depression

The world is so dark,
It is all doom and gloom,
Where is my sparkle?
Why did it leave the room?

I feel so alone,
trapped in a nightmare,
life is falling apart,
I wish I could disappear.

I feel dark inside,
like my heart was ripped out,
no tears left to cry,
yet this pain needs to get out.

It hides in my chest,
dark, silent and lurking,
pain, please go away,
I need to stop this hurting.

And still it persists,
till I can’t take any more,
time to change my life,
so I open a new door,

Light trickles in,
and life tags along,
happiness enters,
Why did you go for so long?

Poetry paper - first wk

1. I started with “I set up home inside my dreams” and I came up with this...

A beautiful home in a gorgeous small town,
With twinkling water, it is heaven all around,
I feel so happy, I feel so alive,
I feel like I’m soaring, right up through the skies

2. But nothing can change the way that I went...

In my life before kids
I couldn’t complain,
I had clothes, I had money,
life was a game,

There was shopping and cars,
I spent so much on shoes,
There was travelling and nightlife,
there was money for booze,

I lived in big cities,
I was living a dream,
Then I chose to have kids,
I didn’t know what that’d mean,

It meant going back home,
It meant settling down,
I found it so difficult,
I hated that old town,

First I had Noah,
born June, 2007,
He was my angel,
sent straight from heaven,

Aaliyah was my second,
born at the end of 2008,
She was born to a family
broken, filled with hate,

I had to make a change,
we had to get out,
so I made a big decision,
we moved to the Mount,
 
There we spent 2009 focused on healing,
Then in 2010 I started to get a feeling,
I needed a change, to get into a dream,
Paihia called me, it had to be seen

So off on a road trip
to follow my heart,
Which moved us to Paihia,
we made a fresh start,

And now it feels as though I’ve found a home,
More happy and content than I’ve ever known,
Now my life with kids is sometimes insane,
But life is so perfect, and I can’t complain.

3. The room closes around me

I feel the darkness around me,
I want to get out,
Is this a bad dream?
How did this come about?

My kids won’t stop fighting,
I don’t know what to do,
I’m feeling quite miserable,
It feels darker than blue,

I want to escape,
this thing called depression,
I’d rather create,
I like making an impression,

So I open the door,
And light filters in,
Something has changed,
I am happy within,

The darkness has gone,
The days are so bright,
I love my new home,
My lounge is filled with light.

Bits and pieces

I found these so thought I'd put them up before I lose them...

Fuck it, I'm in pain,
feel like I'm going insane,

I can't fucking sleep at night,
my mind keeps trying to fight

don't know how much more I can take,
feel like I'm about to break,

Like I'm about to snap,
Fuck I feel like crap,
What do you think about that?

What the fuck is wrong with me?
where the fuck is my sanity?

How'd this happen to me?
You have psychologically fucked with me
Its so plain to see, I'll never be the same internally

this insanity is eating me alive,
is it such a suprise

You had me mesmorised,
or was I just hypnotised,
by your charm and lies?

You tell me to find a fuck,
Hows that supposed to work?

you still have my heart, still tearing me apart...

You tell me to get over you,
but its something I don't know how to do

My heart is yours till the end,
don't know how to take it back,
don't know how to mend

my broken heart, my tortured soul,
I wish there was someone who could fix up that hole

But its big and its dark,
its deep and its black
I don't think time can change any of that

Damn, I'm lucky to be me,
Happy and carefree

Just one thing is wrong,
Why I'm writing this song,
You have my heart,
You have had it all along...

More bits n pieces

You might say I'm a fool, or call me a joke,
You must be a tool, all that crack that you smoke

You say I'm crazy, I think theres some confusion,
its more likely to be you who ends up in a mental institution

You fry your brain, smoking all that crack
Its amusing to think your brain can handle that...

A dark day...

Today I am crazy, tired, so amaze me
I want to yell, I want to scream, theres no way to change me

On a day like today the kids stress me out,
I scream out enraged, whats that all about?

I have so much tension, I’m tired, sleep deprived
Just wish I had more help, wish someone recognised.

I can’t cope on my own everyday all alone,
It gets hard with two kids, me and them stuck at home

I try to calm down, and turn on some sounds,
My kids won’t stop fighting, they won’t settle down

I turn to this monster, someone I despise,
I yell and I scream, then tears come to my eyes

We get in the car and go for a ride,
I have so much anger, its so deep inside

As I’m driving I think “i wish I could go fast”
I dream of going nuts on some gravel, i’d even settle for grass...

I want to feel some power, some fast acceleration
Damn I miss my suby, theres some inspiration

So I take kids to the beach, kick back, write some lines,
And then I get frustrated, my kids are running away all the time

So we pack up and go home, kids screaming in my ear,
Why do I have to do it alone, why doesn’t someone care?

I get home, kids fight instead of play,
Jeez, this feels worse than a typical day

One kid goes to bed, the other watches tv
I can’t help but feel a little sad, is this for eternity

Then I remember, my life, my hopes my dream
And then I realise this is just inbetween

I’ve worked so hard, I’ve don’t the yards
Soon is my time, luck is on my cards

I see my life for what it is
This is something I had to experience

For if i am going to change this earth
I need to experience a blessing and a curse

Now I can see, this has been my destiny,
I’m taking my time, learning how to shine,

Beyond the clouds, the sun will rise,
Tomorrow a better day when I will touch the skies.

The sky is my limit, no thats too low,
Beyond the stars, outerspace is where I’ll go

Yeah, some say I’m crazy, I say inspired,
This life won’t faze me, I’m happy, I’m alive

I’m moving toward bigger and better things,
I guess I just had to learn something about forgiving

I’m lucky today, got my kids, my life is mean
So happy to be alive, still chasing that DREAM

Dear Westley

This one Westley, this ones for you
I think that its time I tried to be true

I’m sad and I’m mad, don’t know what to do
This seems so crazy, I still love you

When we were together, we said it was forever
And I always stayed true, even with what you put me through

All that hurt, all that pain, you drove me insane
And now I still love you, theres no way to explain,

I try so hard, I try every day,
To get myself together, to put you away

But when we were together, I gave you my soul,
Never knew I’d be left empty, my heart a big black hole

So I go through this struggle, raise two kids all alone,
I try to find peace, by myself, on my own

This seems crazy to me, thought we were for eternity,
I am amazing, I deserve the best,

I need to let you go, put you to rest
I loved you, I did, more than I loved me,

It breaks my heart, why couldn’t you see?
How can this be? Please set me free...

The air, the breeze, its different up here,
The ocean is crashing, my thoughts are clear

I just been listening to Eminems Recovery
Some of his songs sound like they come straight from me

I loved you, I love you, I always do
So isn’t it time you stopped being so cruel?

I treated you well, never did you wrong,
And you were evil to me, I tried to be strong

And I try really hard to dissipate,
All these feelings of pain, these feelings of hate

I deserve some respect, deserve so much more,
Noone ever treated me this badly before

All that you do, you try and push me to snap,
Please don’t be nasty, I don’t deserve that,

Because I try to be nice every time we converse
It just doesn’t seem fair, you don’t care and it hurts

I don’t ask for much, just wish you would see,
All that pain that you cause, it still affects me

I ain’t trying to get you back, just trying to be a good mother,
But sometimes I fall down, need some help to recover

And when I ask you for help, you abuse and run me down,
How is that right? I want to get further from your town

The way that you speak to me makes me depressed,
How is this fair? I don’t need the extra stress

All I’m asking you now is to grow up, don’t be so crude,
Be a man, be a dad, lose your fucking attitude

Cuz I’m this close to breaking,
I can feel myself shaking

I’m so softly spoken, I didn’t deserve to be broken,

So next time you’re mad and about to abuse me,
take a minute, calm down, because you don’t want to lose me

Cuz the day that it happens, and I fall apart,
I’m sorry to say, me and the kids will depart

Somewhere less stressful, far away from you
So then you can’t hurt me the way that you do

I loved you, still do, I’m trying to be true
Here it is, the truth, this is all for you

I know that we’re over, there is no more us,
Don’t want to go back, that’d be dangerous

I don’t want to go back, just I can’t seem to go forward,
I need to move on, you need to be ignored,

All this hurt, all this pain, there’s this hole in my heart,
wish it would all just end cuz it hurts, something hard.

Dear Family

I am all alone, I raise two kids, all alone. All day every day its just me and them.

I feel like I’m going insane. I don’t really know how to explain it.

I’m fine for a while, I feel happy and free,
and then I get tired and something happens to me.

I feel all worn out, my head starts to pound,
I’m tired and grumpy, there’s no one else around

I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together.
But I’m unpredictable now, just like the weather.

Some day’s it is sunny, so happy carefree,
Some days its dark, tired, stormy, and thats not like me

Its those days when its dark and I’m all alone,
I get so upset because no one will come home.

I feel so numb, I guess I feel empty
Its hard to explain, maybe its like a zombie

I look at my kids and feel nothing inside,
I wish they would go away so I wouldn’t need to cry

All day every day, its becoming so really draining,
All that emptiness I feel, it feels like I’m failing

I need something more, more than just a week,
I need someone around, to recognise when I need sleep

I can’t do this alone, don’t know how I survived this long
So I’m asking for ideas, for help, because this is wrong

I really need some help, for someone to care,
I don’t want any money, just somebody here

It won’t be for long, it won’t be forever,
just give me some time, a chance to put my life back together

I need to get out, I can’t stay at home all day,
I need to be working, or I’ll go insane...

I’m getting depressed, days can be high or they can be low,
I know what to do now, I need some support though

I hate feeling like this, down, out and so poor,
When I look at my life it make me depressed even more

All I want is for some help, for things to change,
But right now I feel trapped. Like a prisoner in a cage

My mind is a genius, it feels like its wasting away
I need to use it, what more can I say?

I hate what I’m becoming, and mum, I’m sorry to say,
I’m becoming more and more like you every day

I snap and I burst, I explode into rage,
I yell and I scream at them, I hope its just a stage

I want this to change and so I’m asking for help
Please don’t denyu me, cuz I’m starting to want out

I’m looking around, searching, trying to find somewhere to go
I want to be near people who care and want to help

I’m looking at my options, they seem so limited
Should kids go to their dad? Do you think he could handle it?

I’m starting to think about going far away,
Maybe Kim will help me more if I go to whangarei

I’ve even thought Raro, go live on an island, The kids would run free, maybe the community over there might help, a whole bunch of strangers that might give a stuff

I actually don’t know what to do. Here I have friends, a nice place to live
But I haven’t got the support I need while I am going through this

I’ve tried and I’ve tried to do it alone, its just not working anymore
I’ve tried taking them to the beach for the morning, they run away, won’t listen, wont stay...

So we go home and I have to put up with them fighting and hitting
I’m at my wits end, its been coming for a while now...
My 4.5 hours a week isn’t going to help this

So what do you suggest? Cuz I’m all out,
I don’t know any other ways to ask for help

Depressed...

Fuck it, not another one,
Thought after yesterday I was done

Another night, not enough sleep
Now I’m tired again and these demons creep

Its not even 9, already yelling, fighting, crying,
Its no wonder I’m insane...

I can’t be bothered anymore
Wish I could drop them at their daddy’s door

Say here’s your kids, you have them,
So I have time to recover, get back to me again...

I’m tired, just need to rest
So I think it’d be best

If you could have them live with you
Because I’m losing it, don’t know what else to do

When I’m tired and feeling blue,
All I seem to think of is you

It drives me wild, it makes me mad,
I can’t smile, how did I get this bad?

I need a week, maybe two,
So I can shed these demons, get rid of you

In my darkest day, my tormented hours
I get so mad at you, these kids are OURS

Not supposed to be just me,
Alone raising OUR family

Why did this happen? Is this my destiny?
Why has this task become MY responsibility?

Its so fucking hard, I got no fucking choice,
I HAVE to have them, now hear my voice

All day every day they take and they take
There none left of me now, is this a mistake?

I need some time on my own,
So I can smile when they come home

I need to find a place, somewhere to escape,
A personal bit of space, so I can appreciate

The beauties that I have right before my eyes,
They are my lil angels, why am I starting to despise?

These treasures have been a gift, inspiring me to go on
They are also my biggest challenge, teaching me what is wrong

Society is fucked up, the world is going crazy,
I think I’m going mad, someone forgot to train me

I feel sick right now, just feel like crying again,
How’d this happen? Thought I wouldn’t be like this again

I feel so numb, empty like a zombie,
I want to escape, I want to be free

I keep exploding with rage,
Wish I could disappear into this page

How did I get so down?
When will I hit the ground?

What will it take? When will they care?
I feel like a fake, I’m going nowhere.

But I know in my heart all I need to be free,
Is time and space, some peace just for me

To be all on my own, away from my home,
To sit quietly, just be me, all alone

So I’m trying to be strong, I know this feels wrong,
I’m trying to stay true, but I don’t want to be blue,

My head won’t stop aching,
Feel like a mad man in the making...

Memories...

Feel like I’m going out of my mind,
What is it that I am trying to find?

Somewhere, back there, I lost my soul
Im searching for it, in this deep dark hole

It used to sparkle, it used to glow,
I was a light, where did that go?

All I want to do is fly so high,
Reach for the stars, touch the sky

Sometimes in my day dreams,
I feel luck is on the way

Sometimes I wish words could express what I mean
I’m waiting for a brighter day

I keep getting stuck, keep thinking fuck,
I want to get my happiness, onto paper, into this

But it seems my gift is my curse,
All these words are just given, every line every verse

It keeps going back to the days of my hell,
Its like I have to get this out, I got a story to tell

Something true, something real.
This is what I gotta do so I can heal

I go back to a day in 2007,
My gift was delivered, sent straight from heaven

ONE YEAR Later in 2008,
thats where it began, its when I learned hate

I was working my ass off just to pay the bills,
Cuz I had the brains, he had his muma skills

He told me “no” but I couldn’t terminate tho
Thats when it all changed, stuff went insane

That was the day, my dream started to slip away,
Not long after that was when he got back on crack

This was the start of the end,
lies that I couldn’t comprehend

The whos, the whats, the whens and the whys
All of those questions were answered with lies

I knew the truth, it screamed from my heart
I must’ve been stupid, I didn’t want to part

I was getting so tired, worn out all the time,
All I wanted was hijm working, was that such a crime?

He had all the excuses, work was coming, “just wait”
I tried to be patient, but I guess this was fate

He was never going to work, I could see that somehow
Though I begged and I hoped, wished he’d pick up that trowl

He’d try to escape, get high, stay out late,
I worked so hard, was tired, just wished he’d appreciate

All I was doing to keep our family fed,
Trying to make ends meet, trying to get ahead

Somewhere in this my world started to fall
I fell to depression, I felt so damn small

Feeding his addiction, crack was his obsession,
He was living a contradiction, he couldn’t see my depression

My world fell to pieces, the lies were eating me alive,
Could barely get out of bed, its so hard to describe

Me lying there tired, him sitting there wired,
Yelling abuse, where was the man I once admired?

He would say “you can’t even look after your son,
How the fuck will you cope, you’re a hopeless mum”

The pain from those words, its hard to explain,
Maybe like a knife slashing through a vein

As he would sit there running me to the ground,
I would wish he’d just hit me and my heart would pound

One of those days we were fighting outside,
He put his hand around my throat, I was terrified

He wanted to kill me, he told me that day,
He said thats what’d happen if I took his son away

He drove me insane, I was pregnant and crazy,
Picked up the 3 seater and threw it off the balcony

This is a life of domestic violence,
I’m sad to say, I hid it in silence

Todays creations...

I started inspired... but it all kinda turned to custard... Maybe it'll improve as the day goes by...

I'm a solo mum, I got two kids
Never thought my life would be like this

I chose to walk away
Cuz it woulda been wrong to stay

In a relationship with violence, drugs, depression,
So now I'm on my own and I cant help but question

Is it time for society to look and see this crazy obsession
With violence, gangs, p, is this making an impression?

Right now I feel like a crazy yo yo
Swinging from extreme highs to depressed lows

Seems like whenever I don't get a decent sleep I lose it
Doesn't happen often, just wish i could improve it.

I hate this monster that I become,
Its like I turn into someone,

Someone who I despise,
And thats when I look and realise
Life dont give any of us a prize
For being perfect so I apologise

Cuz I have to go over this all over again,
Gotta confront all my issues, the hurt and the pain

It all seems so wrong, so hard, unfair,
Why should I struggle, why doesn't he care?

He's out on Ebail, sits home all day
He couldnt care less about my struggle today

What about his life, eats sleep and play
His life is fine, he doesn't pay

I’m screaming at them, they are screaming at me,
I’m crying on the inside, how can this be?

I feel like I’m failing, the kids won’t stop complaining,
How can it be, its like my kids are draining me?

All I need is a break, some time to create,
My mind needs to elevate, so I don’t fall into hate,

I’ve already felt despise, toward he who would criticise,
The one who took drugs, told lies, the one who brought tears to my eyes

Don’t want to go back there, sometimes I wish he would disappear,
All this pain and despair, feels like some kinda nightmare.

I want to work on this a bit more I think...
Need to put more of myself into it... hmmmm...

What I see...

I look around and what do I see?
Craziness everywhere, do they wish they were free?
Whats going on, how can this be?
Is there something wrong or is this destiny?

Whats wrong with this picture?
I think you should tell me...
I’m not trying to judge you,
This is just reality

Its not whats right, its not whats wrong,
I’ll tell you what I can see, its simple, its reality.

This is what it is,
nothing in between,
Its your life, you decide,
Its it a nightmare or a dream?

This is just life, a harsh reality,
No place to judge, just watch destiny...

I’m still reeling from the shock,
Can’t believe what I’ve seen,
Its been a few years now,
I still can’t shake these scenes

It plays in my head,
I cant understand
I choose not to judge,
But can someone explain?

A house full of children, their dad is gone,
Mummas selling crack now, thats what pays in this home,

Out to get fried, some friends come inside,
Because this is their friend, on who, they depend,

A source of supply, a place to get high...
Noone thinks it is wrong, no one asks why?

Into a room, the kids are watching tv,
Mum closes the door, she doesn’t want them to see,
They search for a pipe, none can be found,
Time to buy a light bulb from the local countdown

Another friend calls in, her kids in tow,
Shes after some crack too, what do ya know?
The light bulb arrives, and out come the fries,
The lighter flicks on, now I am surprised,

Here is a kids mother, having a puff,
The bulbs at kids eye level, damn, I seen enough

Yet its not my place to judge

How about the daddy, becoming a p addict,
He has to start dealing so he can feed his habit,

Once he had a job, a life, a house, a car,
Now it is clear, he won’t get very far,

It seems everything he had, he is going to lose,
It all seems so sad all because he had to abuse

Every day he’s searching, while she is at home hurting,
Hes trying to find another 100 so he can get high,
This is the truth, the reality, its not a lie,
they borrow, they steal, they lie and they deal
This is why kids go hungry, yeah it is real.

There are days where theres no food and all that mumma can say,
is that “daddy smokes crack, we can’t do the shopping today.”

Every night sitting at home wondering where he is, all alone,
She knows what hes up to, searching or dealing, thats why hes not home
So hes lying and dealing, shit, he just got caught stealing,
And I wonder why this life seems so appealing?

With that comes the curfew, thats such a pain,
And now she finds out shes pregnant again,
How’d that happen? Failed contraception,
Its a miracle happening, gotta change direction,
The lives are all changing, whats your perception?

Trying to hold it together, hanging onto a small hope,
Maybe things will change, it better, she don’t think she can cope,
With two lil kids, just her all alone,
Its scary to think about doing it all on her own

But he keeps getting worse, life becomes cursed,
Now she comes last, she used to come first,

This man has changed, he ain’t the same,
The old one was good, this one causes so much pain

Hes out every night, gets home around three,
He won’t come to bed, hes playing PS3

The day is getting closer, its nearly here,
She starts to wonder if he will even be there,

She knows that hes on it, they fight day and night
And here is a baby girl, delivered by daylight,

Now he is home, to witness the birth of his second,
Theres no happiness in his eyes, they are black, know what happened?

Time goes on, she finds light bulbs, then her son finds a crack pipe,
She realises it time, she is better than this, these kids deserve a better life,

Yet its not my place to judge...

What about another, a dad, a kid and the mother,
The fathers a crack head, the mothers abused
She loves the daddy, its why she cant choose,
She can’t see the reality, she cant set them free,
Her mates say love conquers all, its destiny,
So the violence continues on, she is abused,
The daughter grows up, wonder if shes confused,

Yet its not my place to judge...

And this shit continues on, no one will say “stop, this is wrong”
Its just reality, some people have chosen this destiny,
Some people can’t help it, they don’t know any different,
And its not my place to judge, just observe every minute,

I know my truth, what my kids deserve...
And I guess all I wonder, while all this goes on,
Is, when is it right and when is it wrong?
They all tend to say that they are so real,
And the question for me is how does this make you feel?
Your heart tells the truth, it never lies,
So if you think theres something wrong, then its time to ask why?
Do something about it, before its too late,
Fix what is yours, your life you create...
And if theres nothing wrong, then none of this matters,
It’ll just be a story, evidence of lives left shattered.

A creation...

I was driving down the road and somehow words started coming to me... And so this is what I wrote when I got home... Its a start, written in like 45mins, so maybe with a bit more thought and effort I could make it a million times better...

Some of it made me cry writing it... Oh well, here it is.

P is a drug, more like a disease,
You act like a thug, you wreck families,

You call yourself gangsta,
But you are sicker than cancer

You are eating away at lives
Its about time you start to realise

This shit ain't a game,
Its fucking insane

Your bro just got out the loony bin,
There you all are offering crack to him

He says "no", one, two, three, four times, maybe five
And then he thinks "I'm not an addict, I'll survive"

Yall get fried, sit round the table, talk lies,
A few months later hes gone crazy again,
Is that such a suprise?

You all say you so loyal,
You call yourselves bros,
But you are killing each other
With this disease and you know.

How many of the boys have to go fucking crazy?
Before you realise that p is really just a disease,
Go ahead and try, do your best, amaze me,
You can't because this is whats destroying our families,

Your own flesh and blood,
The one you call brother,
He knew what you had to lose,
A child and your pregnant babies mother.

Still he sat there and offered you this shit,
Didn't give a fuck, thought you'd get away with it,
He mighta said "dog, have a puff, she'll never know"
You chose to accept, thought that I'd never go.

He didn't realise this about me,
That I wasn't stupid, that I could see,
That my whole world was changing,
That I was going to lose my whole family,

We are all gone now
The ones that you loved the most,
I wish I knew how,
All thats left is a ghost,

I want you to know that it isn't him that I blame,
It is you, why can't you see, you caused all the pain

You swore on our kids lives,
You promised me that it wasn't true,
You musta had me hypnotised,
I almost believed you,

But my heart told the truth,
It screamed at me from the start,
But I needed to see the proof,
And that shattered my heart.

When the truth arrived
There was no suprise,
Just something in me died,
It brought tears to my eyes.

My dreams of my family were broken,
My family was shattered beyond repair,
Now we were just another family,
Destroyed by this nightmare.

Some of my creative stuff...

This is a start... The first time I have ever even considered putting this sort of thing out there. I haven't been writing like this for long, but it's something I want to keep working at because I seem to be developing a liking for it... I don't know if its good or not... Its from the heart, its my journey, its my writing. It is taking so much courage just to put this out there at all... but I have to start somewhere... so this is just a little of what I have been doing lately. I guess I will keep writing and it will keep getting better. I feel like I have a bit of talent, as most of what I write just comes to me from nowhere in particular, usually when I'm trying to sleep... so each lil bit only takes me a minute or so to write... Don't know where I'm going with this... but I guess someday I'll find out :)

Is your life just a joke from all the crack that you smoke?

Maybe you’ve lost hope and don’t know how to cope?

Have you lost the dream, do you know what I mean?

Are you surrounded by dead beats, addicted to the streets?

Are you tortured with violence, struggling in silence?

Is your life living hell, do you wish he was in a cell?

Is it two kids under to, or three under four, is that why you’re not sure?

I turned my struggle into a victory
Now you’re gone all that’s left is the history
the memories left are all heartbreak,
thats what happens when you’re just a fake,
Just another dream turned into a nightmare,
Just another family, broke, beyond repair

All you care about is the crack you smoke,
Even though you say you don’t

When I couldn’t get out of bed
all you could say was “bitch you’re fucked in the head”

Left as a single mum, trying to raise two lil kids on my own,
Shoulda been treated like a Queen on a throne...

When I gave you my life
you told me you would make me your wife.

Gave the kids your last name,
cuz i was supposed to have the same

I loved you so much, but it wasn’t enough,
wasn’t you anymore, life got too tough

The old you was gone,
lost to the game
so now i’m all alone,
living in pain

Gotta be by myself, heal myself, bring myself back from the dead...
All because you wouldn’t stop fucking with my head

Do those demons still wake you up at night?
Waking you, shaking you, until you fright?

Are those hands still going around your throat?
Or is that from all the crack that you smoke?

Do you still twitch when you’re in bed?
Are you gonna say its all in my head?