Memories...

Feel like I’m going out of my mind,
What is it that I am trying to find?

Somewhere, back there, I lost my soul
Im searching for it, in this deep dark hole

It used to sparkle, it used to glow,
I was a light, where did that go?

All I want to do is fly so high,
Reach for the stars, touch the sky

Sometimes in my day dreams,
I feel luck is on the way

Sometimes I wish words could express what I mean
I’m waiting for a brighter day

I keep getting stuck, keep thinking fuck,
I want to get my happiness, onto paper, into this

But it seems my gift is my curse,
All these words are just given, every line every verse

It keeps going back to the days of my hell,
Its like I have to get this out, I got a story to tell

Something true, something real.
This is what I gotta do so I can heal

I go back to a day in 2007,
My gift was delivered, sent straight from heaven

ONE YEAR Later in 2008,
thats where it began, its when I learned hate

I was working my ass off just to pay the bills,
Cuz I had the brains, he had his muma skills

He told me “no” but I couldn’t terminate tho
Thats when it all changed, stuff went insane

That was the day, my dream started to slip away,
Not long after that was when he got back on crack

This was the start of the end,
lies that I couldn’t comprehend

The whos, the whats, the whens and the whys
All of those questions were answered with lies

I knew the truth, it screamed from my heart
I must’ve been stupid, I didn’t want to part

I was getting so tired, worn out all the time,
All I wanted was hijm working, was that such a crime?

He had all the excuses, work was coming, “just wait”
I tried to be patient, but I guess this was fate

He was never going to work, I could see that somehow
Though I begged and I hoped, wished he’d pick up that trowl

He’d try to escape, get high, stay out late,
I worked so hard, was tired, just wished he’d appreciate

All I was doing to keep our family fed,
Trying to make ends meet, trying to get ahead

Somewhere in this my world started to fall
I fell to depression, I felt so damn small

Feeding his addiction, crack was his obsession,
He was living a contradiction, he couldn’t see my depression

My world fell to pieces, the lies were eating me alive,
Could barely get out of bed, its so hard to describe

Me lying there tired, him sitting there wired,
Yelling abuse, where was the man I once admired?

He would say “you can’t even look after your son,
How the fuck will you cope, you’re a hopeless mum”

The pain from those words, its hard to explain,
Maybe like a knife slashing through a vein

As he would sit there running me to the ground,
I would wish he’d just hit me and my heart would pound

One of those days we were fighting outside,
He put his hand around my throat, I was terrified

He wanted to kill me, he told me that day,
He said thats what’d happen if I took his son away

He drove me insane, I was pregnant and crazy,
Picked up the 3 seater and threw it off the balcony

This is a life of domestic violence,
I’m sad to say, I hid it in silence