Dear Family

I am all alone, I raise two kids, all alone. All day every day its just me and them.

I feel like I’m going insane. I don’t really know how to explain it.

I’m fine for a while, I feel happy and free,
and then I get tired and something happens to me.

I feel all worn out, my head starts to pound,
I’m tired and grumpy, there’s no one else around

I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together.
But I’m unpredictable now, just like the weather.

Some day’s it is sunny, so happy carefree,
Some days its dark, tired, stormy, and thats not like me

Its those days when its dark and I’m all alone,
I get so upset because no one will come home.

I feel so numb, I guess I feel empty
Its hard to explain, maybe its like a zombie

I look at my kids and feel nothing inside,
I wish they would go away so I wouldn’t need to cry

All day every day, its becoming so really draining,
All that emptiness I feel, it feels like I’m failing

I need something more, more than just a week,
I need someone around, to recognise when I need sleep

I can’t do this alone, don’t know how I survived this long
So I’m asking for ideas, for help, because this is wrong

I really need some help, for someone to care,
I don’t want any money, just somebody here

It won’t be for long, it won’t be forever,
just give me some time, a chance to put my life back together

I need to get out, I can’t stay at home all day,
I need to be working, or I’ll go insane...

I’m getting depressed, days can be high or they can be low,
I know what to do now, I need some support though

I hate feeling like this, down, out and so poor,
When I look at my life it make me depressed even more

All I want is for some help, for things to change,
But right now I feel trapped. Like a prisoner in a cage

My mind is a genius, it feels like its wasting away
I need to use it, what more can I say?

I hate what I’m becoming, and mum, I’m sorry to say,
I’m becoming more and more like you every day

I snap and I burst, I explode into rage,
I yell and I scream at them, I hope its just a stage

I want this to change and so I’m asking for help
Please don’t denyu me, cuz I’m starting to want out

I’m looking around, searching, trying to find somewhere to go
I want to be near people who care and want to help

I’m looking at my options, they seem so limited
Should kids go to their dad? Do you think he could handle it?

I’m starting to think about going far away,
Maybe Kim will help me more if I go to whangarei

I’ve even thought Raro, go live on an island, The kids would run free, maybe the community over there might help, a whole bunch of strangers that might give a stuff

I actually don’t know what to do. Here I have friends, a nice place to live
But I haven’t got the support I need while I am going through this

I’ve tried and I’ve tried to do it alone, its just not working anymore
I’ve tried taking them to the beach for the morning, they run away, won’t listen, wont stay...

So we go home and I have to put up with them fighting and hitting
I’m at my wits end, its been coming for a while now...
My 4.5 hours a week isn’t going to help this

So what do you suggest? Cuz I’m all out,
I don’t know any other ways to ask for help